A Whale of a Problem

You open your email. 

You click. 

You are receiving this email because your account was hacked. 

Data breaches.  These problems are occurring more and more often, and quite frankly we need solutions.  According to YouDoneGotHacked.com, data breaches are seasonal but even accounting for that seasonality they are still on the rise. 

A spokesman from Hacked said, “We really are surprised to see this much growth in hacking, it’s so much better for our business than we could have hoped.”

Noticing a growing trend is one thing, (Remember Equifax anyone?) but tying together the leading cause took more than just a hacker, amazingly it took animal rights activists and Greenpeace to discover the true issue. 

The seasonality coincided with migration season.  And what animal migrates?  A lot of them.  But the biggest cause in the uptick of data breaches? 

Whales. 

Dr. Maryanne Goldstein, is world renowned marine biologist from the Kansas City Center for Marine Biology, and she says breaching is something that whales are perfect for. 

“When you are a hacker and you have a big intense firewall that you can’t breach, what do you need?  Water.  Water beats fire, and what lives in water?  Whales.  Whales breach all the time.  They zoom out of the water and flop on their backs and BAM! Goodbye firewall.” 

Public outcry has already started against ecologists efforts to save the whales, because while it seemed like a good thing at the time, maybe it’s gone a little too far.  Strange seas we sail friends.