Smart Watches

In other news, I’m a genius.  That should come as no surprise to anyone who actually knows me and what I’m capable of, but a landmark study* conducted by Havand Business Research just proved it for all time.  In this study conducted over the course of 5 weeks,

.  But seriously what else is new?  I could have told them that five minutes ago.  I have at least 25 Rolexes, and baby I’m sharp as tack. 

The study* concluded that the intelligence actually comes after buying the watch, as the increase in status symbology conveyed a burst of neurons to the newly minted CEO’s brain and that in turn increased the subject’s IQ, EQ, VIP status, and even their golf game.  Just ask the experts. 

Dr. Kunar Nakimar, has been the head of the Havand Business Research Institute, for over 32 years.  He says, the smartest play is to shop smart. 

“Most young CEO’s these days, are very technologically obsessed, and while there is an element of increase with that, the greatest status conveyance, and thus the greatest potential increase in intelligence and business success, can still be found in the hallmarks of old money power and prestige, namely, Rolex watches.  Our study* showed a 25 point increase in IQ after subjects had reached 5 Rolex watches, with the benefits tapering in a standard bell curve beyond 5, as once subjects had reached that level of success, they could usually buy intelligence through other people cheaper than through status symbology beyond that point.” 

Well there you have it, if you are a young up and coming CEO wannabe, you gotta play with the big boys, and hustle for that first Rollie.  No Apple Watch, techno wannabes in this club, you either have the smart watch, or you don’t. 

*(Study Funded by the National Union of Chief Executive Officers)