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Never let it be said that Bidenomics isn’t working, as this business turnaround story shows, success can come when you least expect it.  The year is 2021, and Sam Johnstone is nearly bankrupt.  Sam opened his small bus charter business back in 2017, during the Trump administration, but a mere 5 years later, he would be on the verge of losing it all.  A lifelong southerner, Sam found that trips just weren’t happening like they used to.  “People used to charter me all the time,” he said.  “Every few weeks I would be driving people to the Grand Canyon, or up to New York City, but then it all stopped with COVID and the rebound was very slow.”  That is until 2021.    Sam recalls where he was when success came to knock on his door, and it was truly something special.  He was sitting on his couch when his cell phone rang, he answered and a woman's voice said, “Hello Mr. Johnstone, are available to take a load of illegal immigrants up to Martha’s Vineyard?”  Sam nearly dropped his phone; it was just the break he had been looking for.  Since that day, he has been continuously bussing illegal immigrants for the Abbot and DeSantis administrations, to Chicago, New York, California, DC, and other places, and he says it’s all thanks to one man.  Joe Biden.    “I’m just so thankful to the man,” says Johnstone, “without him and his open border policy, I would have lost my business.”  When asked if he would like to thank Governors Abbot or DeSantis, Johnstone replied, “Not really.  They are just taking credit for the good conditions established by Joe. But I will give just a little shoutout to my man Mayorkas,” he said with a wink.  Since the bussing began, Johnstone has acquired 3 new busses, and has established longer contracts with both the Florida and Texas governments, and each bus in his fleet is equipped with at least two “Riding With Biden” stickers.  That’s the funny fact about this whole Bidenomics thing, it works.

Picture this, you’re sitting at your cubicle, and your new coworker sets her things down on her desk as HR shows her around, you smile politely and stand to introduce yourself, nothing new so far, you’ve done it a million times.  There’s only one catch…she has tattoos.  While many millennials and zoomers still remain confused as to why this is a challenge for many older workers, the boomers like ourselves still struggle with old norms.  That’s why we created this handy guide to help you through this workplace transition without committing a faux paus that lands you in the HR hotseat.  And today we will go over the first lesson.    Step 1.      Connect With the Youth – One of the most important things that seems to be important to young people today, is to not be judged for their choice of tattoos.  Yes, in your day and age, having a tattoo was rebellious, meaning you were in the navy stationed overseas, or perhaps you were a bit mysterious, or had been to prison, or killed a man in a motorcycle club, but today it more than likely it simply means that her name is Ashleigh, and she just thinks that mountains are so cool and trendy from that time she went to Yosemite for a week.  How do you connect with them?  You ask them about their sweet ink.  Take this example.  “Hello Kaden, I really love your fish arm, can you tell me what it means?” “Hey Brenda, of course!  All of my tattoos have deep personal meaning.  The koi fish is a strong symbol of rebirth in eastern cultures.”  “Wow!  That’s so unique Kaden, what did you need to rebirth from?”  “That’s very personal Brenda, I don’t really talk about it much.”  “Oh of course…can I ask about the SpongeBob tattoo?”  “I have some work to do Brenda.”  “Okay great, talk to you later Kaden!” This is a perfect example of how to connect and relate to the young people that are flooding your once prestigious office.  Brenda showed that she didn’t judge Kaden, and instead wanted to know more about him.  The kids want to feel accepted and validated, and sometimes we need to do some soul searching ourselves in the older generations to get over our prejudices; after all, that naked woman, sucking a lollypop, wrapped in roses, and barbed wire, with a handgun, has got to have a seriously deep meaning for Marie right?  Right.  More lessons to come in future posts.

This is a complete farce of a magazine.  Never, and I mean NEVER, in all my years of business and education have I ever seen anything so idiotic and stupid as this “business magazine”.  I don’t think a single one of these writers has ever worked at a real business, understands literally anything about markets, or has the slightest clue how to hire or manage employees.  Tyler Bainbridge is a nepotistic, egotistic, imbecile, and Marshall Pollack, a once respected business journalist and editor should know better than to ship out with a dork like him.  Hope the paycheck was worth it Marshall.    James Daryl – Dean of Whitehead Business College at Gatsburg University   Response From the Editor:    James, I hope you are doing well.  It’s been a few years since I last saw you at that fundraising dinner.  I appreciate the feedback on the magazine and staff.  We here at BCM are always working to improve our reporting and quality of journalism, so that we can provide better insights to regular businesspeople in their everyday lives, and renowned educators like yourself are a great help with that.  You would be more than welcome to write an Opinion piece for BCM at any time.    P.S. – It isn’t worth it.  Marshall Pollack - Editor-in-Chief   If you would like to submit a Letter to the Editor, or write an Opinion piece for Business Company Magazine, please reach out on our Contact Us page.

The corporate sporting world is about to get a whole lot more competitive, and fast.  First it was tennis, the sport of the rich elite.  Next, came squash or racquetball, the everyman D.I.N.K game of BMW drivers everywhere.  Lastly came pickleball, the game for children and old people, who want to convince themselves that they are at least as cool as the racquetball guys.  News flash, they aren’t.  Little kids don’t play cool professional business sports.  But a new king is rising.  Enter, Kumquato.    Developed just last year, Kumquato is the newest racket sport game to sweep the competitive business world.  It’s faster than Racquetball, flashier than tennis, and I won’t even consider pickleball a real sport.  Here’s how it works.    Players walk inside of a 15’ x 15’ x 15’ plexiglass cube, and then all hell breaks loose.  The ball is similar to a racquetball, but it’s bouncier.  The paddles are heavy, at least 6lbs, and you win, by hitting your opponents with the ball, but here’s the catch, only on a ricochet.  Winner of the last point serves again.  The key is to hit your opponents at least 3 times so that you can escape the death cube, which according to official regulations, must be played outside during the summer, and inside at no less than 75 degrees during off season.  This is to increase the benefits to the players of hot yoga and a sauna, along with cardio and weight training.  The rules state that the player with the highest salary, or the car with the fastest 0-60 time goes first, (me both times).    The game is a revolution in competitive reaction time and strategy, two things that are essential in business.  If you’re not first to the business deal, you’re last, and if you don’t react, you just might get hit, three times, and have to stay in the hot death cube.  Play hard friends.

The humble side hustle, a staple for of millions of Americans.  The source of extra income and spending money for many; but what if there was a way to turn a side hustle into a main squeeze?  Speaking with business experts around the country Business Company Magazine was able to discover that there is a way to go from side hustle to something bigger.  The secret, our experts shared with us, is size.    Dr. Thomas Ranklin, is a distinguished professor of Economics at Barlson Junior College, just outside of Toledo, OH, and he shared some of his profound economic insights with us.  “What most people don’t realize that in order to scale up their business, they need to make it heavier, meaning they need a bigger scale to weigh it on, and making it heavier means they need more stuff.  This may come as a surprise to many thinking about scaling up their business, but the first thing many of those people might need to do is go buy a weigh scale; everyone seems to forget that step of weighing all their stuff, so they know how much they have to scale up, to then have more stuff than before.”    More stuff, that’s the secret sauce right there.  The surprising part of scaling a small business into a large business is it actually has to get bigger.  That’s it.  Larger amounts.  Larger purchases.  Larger working hours.  Larger computer monitors.  Larger bills.  Larger widgets.  It’s hard to see but that’s literally the magic behind scaling.    We asked Dr. Ranklin if there was anything about supply and demand, capacity, hiring, or creating a market that should be considered in scaling up a business and he replied, “I don’t know, you could go ask the english department.”

Global Warming.  The phrase seems to be everywhere these days, and oddly enough, despite the popularity of Phoenix, Las Vegas, and general beach vacations, it’s not usually seen as a good thing.  That is unless you are in the pool industry in Edmonton, Alberta.  John Huxley, is the local owner and operator of Edmonton Canada Pools LLC , a local pool cleaning, installation, and supply store in the region.  He says that global warming couldn’t have come at a better time.              “I’ve really been struggling these last few years, what with only two months out of the year being ice free in the backyard pools, it really makes for a tough sell to the customer.  But with this latest explosion of global warming almost another whole two weeks of warmer summer temperatures has been happening up here, and people are really enjoying hanging about in their shorts for longer than a few days eh.  Let me tell you, it has changed my finances for life, I may even be able to send my pet moose to community college.”  John told Business Company Magazine, that his sales have increased 62% from the last year, and his hot tub sales have only decreased a mere 13%, despite the highs in Edmonton nearly reaching a scorching 55 degrees Fahrenheit.  This just goes to show you the old business principal that even dark clouds mean you can still swim in the pool.  If this is the results of the “Very Scary Global Warming” then for the sake of our small business future, I’m all for it.  Better Suntans.  Better Business.  Better Backyard Canadian Pools.

One.  Gajillion.  Dollars.  I remember where I was when I first heard that word.  I was 12 and still in primary school.  They told me that hyperinflation, though it was a risk of debt financing, could never hit the Gaj level.  Old Germany and Zimbabwe certainly gave it a go, but they have nothing on the foolishness that is currently running rampant in a wild spending spree of excess debt in the United States Congress.  Congress was back in session today and what did they do first?  Approve another impractical, stupid, omnibus, monstrosity, that gave them all pay raises, while borrowing more money so that the rest of the federal government wouldn’t be out of a job.  But this is all things we have heard before, why get angry now?  Because now is something new.  For the first time ever, the US Debt is set to hit one Gajillion dollars.  I can’t even comprehend that number, I remember the first time a company hit a Trillion dollars, but Gajillion?  Not on your life.  So what does this mean for you?  You will be in debt forever, and there is no hope.  If only we regular practical people could vote ourselves pay raises or get the banks to allow us to take on trillions in debt, maybe then we would all have 3 mansions, and multiple safe and practical German sports saloons.  Maybe if this country was a little better at the right kind of football, then they wouldn’t be so stupid.  But until that day comes, I’m going to drink my Kolsch and be disappointed.

The future of finance is no longer in the markets, it’s now down in the mines; and that mine is made up of 8-bit blocks.  Since last fall the emerging crypto market has been thrown into absolute chaos upon the discovery that Bitcoin was discovered in the far reaches of gaming powerhouse Mojang’s billion dollar game, Minecraft.   “It really came as a complete shock to me,” says 14 year old veteran Minecrafter, Connor Smith from Anaheim.  “One day I was in the far reaches of my strip mine, somewhere near negative seven million x, and positive twelve million z blocks from spawn, and there sitting inside of an obsidian block, was a bitcoin symbol.”  Gaming giant Mojang, has been baffled themselves, spokesman Jarn Goonelsson says, “We really aren’t sure how this happened, we didn’t even know that Bitcoin was a naturally occurring substance in life, let alone in our game.”  Since last October, millions of new players have flocked to download the game not only for the novelty of open world exploration and dragon slaying, but for the chance at millions in cryptocurrencies.  Connor Smith has been diligently working since last October when he made the first discovery and has found a total of 3 Bitcoin, netting the teenager over $150,000 in the last 6 months.  Connor says he intends to fund his college career with his expansive mine operation.  The future looks bright underground, even if the sun isn’t, where the riches of the future are to be found.